Thursday, December 28, 2006


of simpang coffee, balance sheets and singapore girls

i meant to type this post last week but i didn't have the time.

i was in my accounting class last week and the lecture was pretty boring. coupled on with the fact that i had caroling till late the night before, it wasn't very difficult to fall asleep during class.

so off i was to la la land and though i was sleeping soundly, i could still here the lecturer's voice, and he was going on about balance sheets and fixed assets and what nots.. and then there was this problem about Singapore Airlines balance sheet.

i could hear him in my sleep repeatedly asking, "what should i put as fixed assets in the SIA balance sheet?" no one answered and so he rephrased it "what is the most important thing to SIA? that i have to put into the balance sheet?" no one answered again and he kept repeating the same question.

and slowly it seeped into my head and soon i was dreaming about the question and when he asked for the fourth time, i just mumbled (audibly) in my sleep, "Mmm... Singapore Girls..."

my friend beside me was stunned and he shooked me to wake me up, asking if i was talking in my sleep. instead, i repeated the same thing even louder this time.

and the lecturer was just mere armlengths away from me. i swear if he had heard it, he must be controling hard not to laugh. it was so embarassing.

when i told xd, she said she almost laughed out loud at office and fall off her chair all at once.

but that doesn't stop me from sleeping in his class, oh no, no no...

just today, he asked if i was doing yoga with my head tilting from side to side as i slept. i even went a level up by snoring loudly this time. gosh. i really need some super strong coffee.. like the one from simpang which kept me awake all night yesterday.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


the ugly singaporeans

saw this article about ugly singaporeans today on the new paper. the new paper was giving us a chance to send in what we thought were the ugliest singaporean habits around. topics ranged from the usual kiasuism, noisy kids, inconsiderate b a s t a r d s on the mrt to the odd one like people taking chilled items from the freezer in a supermarket, only to put them back on a warm shelf, or having more personal space on an already crowded island, and how we are third world citizens. another said we have become more selfish and insensitive as we progressed because we, i quote, have becomed real devils when it comes to animal welfare. apparently we could also be world champions in spitting, littering and handphone menace too.

i was tempted to send in my own list of candidates but was too busy being caught up with caroling. more over, i doubt they will publish any of mine cos it might stir up controversies. okok, i admit, "might" as redundant in the last sentence.

anyway, these are my candidates.

1) Those idiotic aunties that rather scan their entire bag/purse/body at the ez link scanner, rather than just taking out the damn card.

and this is extremely irritating to those who are already rushing for the train. imagine having less than a minute before your train arrives and then comes this slow walking auntie who just refuses to take out her ez link card to scan, preferring to scan her entire bag, purse, breast pocket or wherever she hid the damn card. it's excruciating i tell you! my solution? ban them from ever using the bus or mrt!

2) Those elderly people who rush for seats as if they would collapse the moment they don't get it

yes yes, i know. what singapore managed to achieve today couldn't be done without your hung-ho kiasuism but hey, it's the 21st century now granny! no need to rush for seats cos the new generation are more courteous now and are willing to give up their seats. don't pin your hopes on those around their 40s and above though. i bet my balls that out of 10, only 3 will give up their seats for you. so maybe you should like stand around the youngsters and glare at them for a seat. army boys are a good choice, they are always afraid that the MP is around to catch them for offences like not giving up their seats of not wearing their jockey caps.

3) People who simply refuse to bathe.

and this seem to be a growing trend not to bathe and to smell of fish instead. i can't believe how seldom they bathe! i personally bathe something like 3 times a day and i still feel dirty! these people however, woah, they seem to be out on a personal mission to piss off or stink as many people as possible. from the bus to the mrt, they just sit themselves beside unsuspecting commuters and woah, there it goes, the emission begins! sometimes they smell of fish, other times vomit. you'll be lucky to get anything less than fish though. i just wonder why won't they bathe. ok, fair enough, sometimes it's the body's natural body odour, that can't be helped, but for those are fortunate not to have this condition, would it kill to be a little more considerate to others? maybe the mrt could have a special carriage for smelly people like these -- the undercarriage.

the final results are in..

and it is official that caroling does indeed lead to weight gaining!

after all the late night dinners and more than a week of burger king or other fast food, most of us can audition for the lead role in the sequel to "Super Size Me"! Here at WFTWTF, we have done a short review all the most popular candidates hoping to get that leading role.


First Candidate: Kevin Tan
Kevin's face, and calf, are now rounder and his windswept hairstyle doesn't help disguise his recent weight gain. no amount of denial can reduce the fact, kev. even gao agrees that you've gained weight!

Weight Gain Percentage: 2.2%
Chance of getting the role of Super Size Me: 60%



Second Candidate: Chen Xingdi
Xingdi has already admitted she has put on weight during the recent caroling sessions, though she has declined to reveal the exact figures. But judging by her figure (pun intended), i would say she has grown quite a bit. you can hide the fats around the tummy but you can't hide the face.

Weight Gain Percentage: 1%
Chance of getting the role of Super Size Me: 50%


Third Candidate: Selena Ho
We have always been encouraging her to eat more but this has seemed to fall on deaf ears. Either she has a superb metabolism rate or she has a super efficient waste disposal unit installed inside of her.

Weight Gain Percentage: 0%
Chance of getting the role of Super Size Me: -100%


Fourth Candidate: Chen Zhang Jin
Affectionately know as Ba Zhang to his closest friends, Zhang Jin is said to be leading the race in grabbing the role in the sequel but his recent bout of food poisoning may work against him as he had to puke out all his effort in the past week. Gone are all the fat collected from the endless nights of burger king, pasta mania, and hong kong cafe. Fans may be hoping that this recent unfortunate event will not put him too far back in the race.

Weight Gain Percentage: 2% before food poisoning. 1.5% after.
Chance of getting the role of Super Size Me: 65%


Our Last Candidate for the leading role in the sequel to Super Size Me is none other than...
Me: Derrick Poh
His recent efforts at the late night dinners have put him neck to neck in the race with Zhang Jin for the role. Brushing all competition aside, he proudly proclaims that he has gained a massive 2kg increase in just one week, a lead that he is reluctant to give up. Going at this rate, WFTWTF predicts that by the time the judges make their final decision, Poh could gain to as much as 5kg, giving him a massive boost in getting that leading role.

Weight Gain Percentage: 5%
Chance of getting the role of Super Size Me: 69%

Readers, it is not too late to cast your votes. To vote, just call 1900-2EAT-MORE and key in the number of your favourite candidates. Calls are at $10 a min and the closing date is on Feb 30, 2007.

and it whizzes by just like a bullet would by your ear

christmas is over. and so is caroling. and i had a glimpse last night of what it would feel without being busy. i got home around 1am and tried to sleep cos i had school today. but i couldn't. i took a pill, but it still didn't make me tired at all. and suddenly i hallucinated. about me being in her home, sitting on her sofa, like we used to. just watching tv. doing nothing, lying on her bed, talking to her while she does her work. such bliss that i didn't know how to treasure.

i really have got to stop thinking of her. she's making good progress moving further from me to a point where i wonder if we are even friends, or merely aquaintances. i should move further too. she's got a new church cos the one at river valley was too far, so she attends one at woodlands instead. she lives in tampines by the way. at least she didn't lose her faith. that's good.

i'm a bit disappointed though. i was baptised on sunday, yet i didn't have any relative or friends outside the church come to watch me. i really wish for just someone anyone to come. but i guess in this age of rationality and science, religion takes the back seat.

anyway with caroling out of the way, i wonder how it's gonna be. i bet the others are wondering too. lonliness feels the void that had been temporarily filled by caroling.

would someone step into my life and make me whole again?

Monday, December 25, 2006


my salvation testimonial

I will never understand why God was after me after all this time. I can never be as pure as He is but I guess I can’t see the view from the eyes that he looks at me through.

I first came to know of the Lord Jesus when I was a young boy of 11. Back then, my aunt brought me to church on Sundays and she was the one who introduced me to Christ. But I was young then, and being the only Christian in my family, there was a fair bit of objection from them for me attending church.

When my aunt left for London, the backsliding began. And it lasted till I was 15 when I sneaked back to church for a short period of time. It was then I accepted Christ as my saviour but sadly it was only in words.

I remembered there was one incident. I had failed my English prelims in secondary school, the first time I have ever failed English in ten years of education. Needless to say, my parents and teacher were shocked stiff. I then had extra lessons to brush up on my English. Came the day of my actual O levels, I somehow forgotten to write the title of the essay. It was one of those complete the title type of essays where they gave the beginning words, and asked us to complete it. Whether my essay is considered out of point would be based upon this title. So I thought to myself, better write the essay, then think of the title. But I somehow forgot to write it in all my excitement. It was then I prayed in a long time, that if that somehow wouldn’t cause me to fail, I would go back to church. I passed with distinctions. But I didn’t keep my promise.

I remember Pastor Jonathan called me upon the release of my "O" levels. I admit, I was a bit scared talking to him, afraid he would ask me back to church. I was so far from God then, but I was so foolish to think that I was alright.


It was only years later that God planned another crisis for me. Like what Pastor Bill Mills says, God finds us when we are furthest away from him, and when we hate him the most. I find it quite true. My relationship was on the verge of breaking down then and I fought with my strength and "intelligence" but couldn’t solve it. If there was anyone who could help, it was God. All heavy laden and acquainted with distress, I prayed for help and made the same promise I did many years ago.

Within the hour a phone call came. Everything was ok again, miraculously, with the snap of the fingers. My first words to my then girlfriend was "We have got to go back to church."

I tracked down Pastor’s email and he was so quick to reply. He had never given up on me after all these years and I’m really grateful for that. We went back to church that very Sunday. It took a while to get used to it, forgoing my Sunday soccer and my only free day in the week.

It took yet another crisis to wear me down. It was only after I broke up with my girlfriend that it caused me to seriously think about my spiritual life. A friend told me to find a verse in the Bible that I can find solace in. She offered a few verses but they weren’t exactly what I was finding for. I finally saw this message on the back of someone’s tee shirt while I was running my 2.4. It just had the words 2 Cor 12:9. “My grace is sufficient”. If there was ever a clearer sign God was trying to reach out to me, this was it.

And so I got involved in church more, I focused on God instead of the pain of the breakup. I read the bible more often and I tried to learn more of the God that I so love. And this road has finally led to this day when I have decided it is time to declare my affiliation to Christ Jesus. And I look forward to learning more about him.

and so it is, christmas day, and overjoyed

haven't had the time to blog much in the recent days and a lot has happened in the past few days from uninspiring performances, to improvements in the later gigs accompanied with a variety of audience responses, doing my church performance, getting baptised.. so many events.

caroling's about to end soon. tonight will be our last night at flutes. it's such a nice place to perform at because of the acoutics and the ambience. really wonderful people there too, it feels as though i work there! we stayed back after the performance to soak in the atmosphere. 5 of us, stayed back till they had to close the accounts. we then left for clarke quay to wander about. my head is still spinning from the coconut martini i had from flutes. feels heavy. and i only had one drink!! think i shall stick to beer. i always feel so happy when i drink beer. it's like suddenly all my worries, cares and doubts are cast away. the burden is lightened.

anyway i got baptised on christmas eve. it had been one of the things i wanted to do for a long while but never felt ready for it until recently. there was no nervousness, i expected some, but it turned out i had this steely confidence within me that i have never felt so strongly before. and i knew exactly what i was doing, and i felt overjoyed. overjoyed to know that i can contribute to the church, overjoyed to know that i am a part of it. overjoyed to know that others know who i walk with.

overjoyed. even without k with me this christmas, i received something more valuable. the company friends that have stuck by me for a decade. it's truly a blessing to have such good friends. and i hope next christmas, our group size will double. and that we won't be single again and be happier.

without the help of beer.

Saturday, December 23, 2006


~Happy Now~

And you loved me
Yet dropped me like a paper weight
Another never ending wait
Another chance to lose our way

The fire’s dying
In what could be our last goodbye
Never would I have to buy
Another crazy pack of lies

If only time
Could be my guide
Then we wouldn’t have so much to say
But I won’t stay another day
Yet I would wait for another lifetime
If you’re happy now

Feeling trusted
Was something that you took for granted
The web of lies that you have painted
The dreams we’ve cast along the way

Long forgotten
The pace of days like bullet train
The rain it falls with stinging pain
I never wondered why it’s this way

If only time
Could be my guide
Then we wouldn’t have so much to say
But I won’t stay another day
Yet I would wait for another lifetime
If you’re happy now

If only love
Could show in time
Then we wouldn’t have the world to blame
Yet you could stay another day
Then I wouldn’t have to wait a lifetime
To be happy now

words and music by: derrick poh

Friday, December 22, 2006


simon cowell would have had a field day hearing us perform

you can't praise people when they are so full of themselves. i had always believed in giving credit where it is due, but apparently it doesn't work on people with certain traits.

i could tell from the warm up, we are already complacent. we aren't taking it as seriously as we should. i know some of my members think i take this caroling too seriously. well they are right, i am dead serious when it comes to projecting an image to others. i don't like looking like a fool on stage. every day i practice in my toilet, running through all the pieces in my head from memory. and i make sure i take note of areas where i would most likely make mistakes.

touch your heart, and ask yourself honestly, how often do you do that? i'm not saying i'm like super good at singing, don't get me wrong. but i can say yes, i'm super committed to this caroling.

ask yourself how serious do you treat our performances? serious enough to ask me for a day off at the last minute to go sing for another choir or some other performances? maybe you think i should "chill out" or whatever it is you call it. let me ask you then, have you ever managed 10 people's lives for more than a month, having to run through all the possible hiccups that could happen, and make contingency plans? yes i raise my hand, i admit, i'm a near perfectionist. there are some things which i can afford to relax but unfortunately being complacent isn't one of them.

but for all my plans, there are problems that are out of my hand because the problem is more of a egoistic one. can someone tell me how to deal with a sop who thinks she's a diva driving a ferrari? i already hinted subtly to her but she cannot seem to get the message. i think i just have to drive it straight through her skull.

YES IT'S YOU WHO IS SINGING OFF TIME
YES IT'S YOU WHO SIMPLY REFUSE TO LISTEN OUT TO THE REST OF US
YES IT'S YOU WHO MAKE US SOUND BAD
YES IT'S YOU WHO REFUSE TO CHANGE

in a wall of a 100 bricks, it only needs one brick to be out of alignment, and that is enough to reveal the flaw and make everyone overlook the other 99 that are properly stacked to perfection.

some of us just can't help but be that one brick.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


for the first time in a long while

i slept without aircon all through the night!!

i woke up to sunshine and had an E-N-T-I-R-E day of it!!

we sang our pieces well and in tune and in time!!

we sang to an attentive audience!!

we sang indoors first!!

i couldn't finish my dinner and xd had to help me!!

we saw a couple making out at fort canning and high beamed them!!

kev gave us all a treat at pastamania!!

i reached home before midnight!!

~Something Beautiful~

if you put your arms around me,
would it change the way i feel?
i guess i let myself believe
that the outside might just bleed its way in
maybe stir the sleeping past, lying on the grass
waiting for the kiss that breaks this awful spell
and put me out of this lonely cell

i close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me into something
change this something normal
into something beautiful

what i get from my reflections
isn't what i thought i'd see
so give me reason to believe
that you'll never leave me incomplete
will you untie this loss of mine?
it easily defines me
do you see it on my face?
that all i can think about is
how long i've been waiting to feel you move me

i close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me into something
change this something normal
into something beautiful

and i'm still fighting for the word
to break these chains
and i still pray when i look in your eyes
that you stare right back down
into something beautiful

words and music by: jars of clay

suddenly

it all just comes back to me.
thoughts of you when we were
walking streets down orchard
admiring the dancing christmas trees
at the paragon junction
hand in hand down that lane
with the lights pretty above us
we kiss
we enjoy the company
and you would come listen to me
when we sang at flutes
images of you coming all the way
alone from home
to watch us at parkway
you stand out in the crowd
you had always caught my eye
i was touched
i thought you wouldn't come
but you did
and i appreciated it
you came alone
and left alone
just for that half hour
to support me
i love you
how could i possibly move on?
even though i don't message you
the things that you don't want to hear
deep inside it still is
i try to forget you
to move on
but tell me how?
how did you manage to do it?
or do you hurt inside?
a lonely hurt
that you refuse to reveal to me
in the fear that it rekindles my hope
my hope of being with you again
when all the activites finally die down
and when i'm finally no longer busy
what will be of me?
just an empty shell?
i don't even see you online
but maybe you are
just that you hide
hide from me
don't stay away from Christ
don't stay away from Him because of me
it's your spiritual life.
and i really am concern for that
and i really want to encourage you
and i really just need you

suddenly

yet another wet rainy day with barely visible lane markings, tired eyes and songs at 160km/h

it's so tiring singing that fast. i wonder why we can never ever keep time. or rather, i wonder why some one cannot keep time when everyone else can and she herself doesn't know it. i think i cannot let this happen anymore. i'm gonna tell her tomorrow, that she's speeding everyone up and making us sound bad. if you somehow read this and think this is you, it most probably is. so be zi dong a bit.

anyway the rain is really killing any scent of christmas joy that lingers in the air this year. it's a chore getting up to flutes in the rain as there isn't a shelter but thankfully eileen has agreed to let us be a bit late for friday and saturday as we have only 15 mins to rush from the cathay to flutes. in the rain most probably. it's raining so hard here that i could barely see the lane markings on the road as the rain splattered on the road surface, making everything a blur. and don't even mention the water that the other vehicles splashed onto mine! well, at least the car looks gleaming clean now. =)

ally joined us to watch our performance today and she helped us take a few pics though the lighting was a bit dim. have yet to see if the pictures turned out ok. she's cool yeah, kinda made from the same mould as us. funny girl. hope she joins us next year. we could sure use a sop.

one that doesn't speed.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


what a way to begin this year's caroling

with rain rain and more rain. before we even made it to the restaurant, we were already drenched. our singing wasn't perfect, and i guess some of us just refuse to listen out for the other sections to check if they are in tune or time. haiz.

i really need new blood for this choir if not we will be getting weaker with each departure. wonder where i can buy some kids to sing for me.

anyway, pray tomorrow will be better -- weather wise and singing wise. hope we can all keep in tune/time. i swear my tolerance has been at its limits a few times these days. i just want everything to be perfect. if it doesn't improve, i would be like soooo gonna point out at the individuals who are making mistakes. i'm not saying i'm perfect, i screwed up at some parts too, but i just want to see us correct our mistakes and improve. we have after all practised so hard for this and if we are gonna put up a shoddy performance, i rather not do it.

so please give me a reason to find this all worthwhile.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


and so it begins, from eleven days to zero

today is the first of a long period of performances. had a solo performance today at church, with spencer playing the guitar. it was soooooo nerve wrecking. after nearly 11 years of performing, i still feel the same each time before my act starts. no butterflies in tummy, just shit clogged at the arse, waiting to burst out. and then i will cough. a persistent cough. and it will just ruin the voice. haiz..

but then again, it's my first time singing solo on stage. i kept closing my eyes, because i usually practise in the bathroom while i'm washing my hair. so the eyes naturally just shut. haiz. and i didn't hit the one high note well and it quivered! dang!! it has never happened before. shall but it down as nervousness. haiz..

but least it's over. i think we did ok, considering how many practices we've had. now to look forward to caroling at flutes tomorrow. i always enjoy myself singing there. the acoustic is nice and it has a nice fuzzy homely feeling when we sing there. love it love it love it!!

10 more days and it shall be over. and then i can start missing it.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


rainy days are best for sleeping but remember, not when you're driving

i love these days.
but not cause of the rain.

whenever caroling nears, we would find ourselves spending more time with each other and it's a much welcomed feeling, especially for many of us, this year.

xd was in my school earlier today on working business and we met up for lunch. told her about this place that not many have heard off. it's nestled in a small pocket in clementi, called sunset way. we decided to give it a try there, just blindly going even though none of us had tried the food there.

thank god it didn't disappoint us. there was only one eatery at that place but it sold some australian food. at least i think that's what it sold cos it had portuguese rice as well as some western steak and fish and chips. if i recall correctly, the place was called bathers. i picked the portuguese seafood rice while xd had her chicken and (tiny) lobster combo. it didn't cost a lot and the portions were just about right. mine was about $11.90 while xingdi's was $16.90 and it was a set lunch that came with soup, coffee and dessert. to get there, just go down sunset way off clementi road and head pass the disused railway line. you will see a place called clementi arcarde on the left. not a lot of parking but there are many small lanes around the area to park illegally. just watch out for fatimah and ahmad.

with that done, we just had to go over to the next store where they had classic cakes for sale. i have never heard of a crepe cake until today and xd wanted to try it since who knows when will be our next visit. i picked the mango cheesecake which i found it surprisingly delightful. i have never liked cheesecakes in my life but this one was just right. the cheese flavour isn't too strong and the mango adds a nice sweet flavour on it to stop the cheese from being overwhelming. the crepe cake wasn't fantastic though. it took a lot of effort to make it i can see, layer upon layer of crepe carefully laid above each other with vanilla cream in between. but yeah, it just tasted like crepe with vanilla. nothing special. would have been better if they added some fruits into the vanilla cream though.

if you're thinking of visiting this place, i would suggest you go only when more shops are up, unless you don't mind just a eatery and a cake shop.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


tuesdays are gelare day and gelare days are theraphy for the broken hearted, with gao as the therapist

it's the second tuesday in a row that we find ourselves pigging out at gelare after choir practice. never can seem to get enough ice cream but the ice cream never seem to taste that wonderful, they just happen to go well with their waffles.

gao joined us with his bags of laughter and stories of ah gong and we all had a great time though choy was slightly stoned. if only we had picked the rum ice cream, she'll be hopping around like an energizer bunny, finding ketchup or chilli to smear people with!

but yeah, with the guys, it always makes me feel better. they really feel the void that k has left but though they can never ever ever ever ever totally replace her, at least i don't feel that lonely. without them, i would probably be going back after choir and have loads of free time to think about stupid things that i should be leaving behind. i wonder if k also feels the same, with that same void that everyone gets after breaking up. i hope she feels ok. she seems ok though, but not as if we contact each other much. tried to ask her out on wednesday but she's going out with her friends. i think that's a good sign.

xd if you're reading this, don't worry. it'll come to pass. it's a phase we all go through and only time can be our guide. and if you ever hate that void, just call us out. you know we are always there. it need not be a lonely christmas. and if you need people to talk to just call me. oR kEviN iF yOu LiK3 tO HeAr th3 WaY hE rEAds ThIs LiN3.

sigh, how i hate breakups.

so much for the afterglow

Sunday, December 10, 2006


bread butter kaya bread bread butter kaya bread bread butter kaya bread bread butter kaya bread

bread butter kaya bread bread butter kaya bread bread butter kaya bread bread butter kaya bread

note to self: never let kevin make the orders when at ya kun.

he wanted 4 slices of kaya butter toast but thought a "slice" meant like one small quarter of the bread. so he ordered 8. i didn't know why i didn't stop him though i was right beside him. was needing a caffeine fix i think. and so yeah we ordered 8 slices. for both of us. what a dinner!

even the lady that brought us our food laughed at us. when she brought out the first plate, we intially thought, ok, that was it! nothing much, just a few slices. nothing we couldn't handle. and then as she put the plate down, she said "there's still one more plate!!"

we just laughed. and stared. or in the other order, i wasn't sure. i was so full thinking of it.

and when she brought out the second plate, she laughed at us and said we could ta bao if we couldn't finish. i'm sure we weren't the first ones to place excess orders.. it was so burp lor. the rest of the girls kept laughing. i didn't managed to finish mine though. kevin rushed through his as if he was eager for more, eating 3 quadrants at a time. it was pure madness.

bread
butter
kaya
bread
bread
butter
kaya
bread
bread
butter
kaya
bread
bread
butter
kaya
bread

it's just so tiring

choir practice carol tests carol church choir assignments church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice stress choir practice carol tests carol church choir assignments church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice stress carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practicechoir practice carol tests carol church choir assignments church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice stress carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol stress carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol tests carol church choir assignments church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice stress choir practice carol carol church choir church performance stress school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol tests carol church choir assignments church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice stress choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol school choir practice church practice church performance choir choir choir practice carol carol church choir church performance school choir practice carol carol stress




all without you

Saturday, December 09, 2006


i don't mean to be racist but you just give me a reason to

friday saw us meeting for dinner of exorbitant prices in town after getting lost around anderson road and orange grove road for nearly 20 mins and then heading out to waste the night away at zouk.

i have never had $8 hokkien mee in my life before, or fried sotong mee as they call it. i guess everything in the city cost nearly three-fold but thankfully it tasted quite good. sel had ipoh hor fun which looked good and xd made an order that had the waitress raising her eyebrows. she wanted plain noodles at first but then added a wanton soup to go along with it. this cost nearly $13 but if i'm not wrong, there is an item in the menu called wanton noodles and i bet that doesn't cost $13.

anyway sorry to kevin and sel if i offended them when i lost my temper while finding my way around town. i swear, orchard road is the ultimate test of one's driving skills and patience. and that orchard hotel lobby is as elusive as the end of a rainbow.

headed out to zouk that night. my first time going. it was nice to drive and not worry about expensive taxi rides and all. but then with driving, comes the responsibility of not being able to drink. much. i could never get what this whole clubbing thing is about. bobbing heads, pushing and violent dances resembling the mating rituals of retarded monkeys. and obviously some people are just trying sooooooo hard to fit the scene with their dance moves, and yes, more head bobbing. if it isn't the head bobbing, then it's some fancy knee jerking move. the music wasn't that fantastic, i don't see what the fuss is all about phuture. and the pushing was really bad. i was so close to exploding at one point of time i just had to control myself. but obviously that place was full of a certain ethnic group and it made me too close to comfort with their behaviour. not that i have anything against them, well maybe i do now, and nor am i racist but they just really irked me.

we ended the night out at a coffee shop near tiong bahru over rojak, fishball noodles (again) and fish and chips before heading home at 215am. had to get some shut eye cos i was meeting jeff (and the others) at 11am the next day at suntec for the fossil watch sale. but then, just as i was about to sleep again, that same feeling came over me. the one that always does. i thought of k again. it's always in my lull time that she somehow swims back from the abyss of my memory to haunt me. i fought the urge to message her. i really missed being with her. i feel so pathetic.

everyday's a learning day and on thursday, we learnt that....

boy i was right.

thurs till saturday brought more laughter from the gang and we practically saw each other like, 3 days in a row! with tomorrow's practice, that's 4 days in a row!! But we never get sick of it. At least not me. I don't want to feel lonely, especially not in this current state. that's partly the reason why i've been staying out late recently, only coming home after or around midnight.

our caroling sessions officially started on thurs with a gig at Baker's. it was a very taxing performance, which none of us had ever experienced. the crowd were not listening to us and we had to do our longest ever gig -- 45 mins, almost continuously. with every song, the crowd tried to talk above us and we tried to sing louder than them. of course we lost in the end. there were just too many of them, and they were not worth hurting our vocal chords for. but i guess we had to be professional though, whether they listened, clap or whatever. we had thought the night was over after the performance but it was so wrong... with the end of the performance, came the turkey, endless "last bottles" of champagne, red wine, white wine, danish beer and desserts provided by the firm. we reckoned those costed more than our pay!

Interesting things we learnt that night:

1) Polly Choy cannot hold any form of alcohol

1a) In addition to point 1, please keep all items that can be transformed into a projectile away from her. These items include ketchup, chilli sauce, cameras, any forms of liquids including shampoo or any fragile items like wine glasses or glass bottles.

1b) Nobody can control her the moment point 1 occurs.

1c) The time taken from soberness to point 1 is less than 10 mins.

2) Turquoise does not go with black.

2a) Neither does white frilly lace on a black top, not especially when everyone else is in black. Solely black.

3) It is possible to yell Christmas carols over a noisy crowd.

4) Certain alcohol look like green tea.

5) Jeffrey does not need alcohol to get drunk.

6) Partitions are not as thick as we think they are and definitely not as soundproof as we hope for.

7) Scallops are in high demand, especially by The Terzetto.

8) Carl's Jr are tolerant to having a bunch of drunkards dine there at around 10pm.

9) Taxis mysteriously disappear around 11pm.

10) There's no such thing as a last beer or wine.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


518

it's been a while since i sat the express 518.
we used to take it whenever we came back from orchard.
sometimes we managed to get seats.
other times we stood all the way home.

climbing up sheares bridge
past parkway parade
down the east coast
around the corner where xingdi lives
hook around the back of the reservoir
and then down the avenue where your home is

except i didn't alight where we used to
there was no need anymore
it's just straight on from now
a few stops down avenue 2

i wondered at that point
what you were doing
where you were
wonder if you got home safely
as i peered out the tinted windows
the bus pulls out of the bus bay
i looked back

in a memory of a window,
looking through, i see you
searching for something
that i could never give you
maybe there's someone who understands you
much more than i do
a sadness i can't erase
all alone on your face

of road-kill waffles, hairessing leg hair, mutton chop side burns and "yi ge yi ge wan wo"

my gosh.

i swear caroling makes me fat.

after every practice is either down to hong kong cafe at siglap, the malay kopitiam near by (forgot the name, ayumi masak or something) or to parkway parade!

the tummy's getting so big i dare not even look at it. much less weigh myself. i know it's piling up and i'm filling up my clothes really quickly. although i do run now, but it doesn't seem to get any smaller. more input then output i think. haha

so i can't wait to start running with sab (i know u are reading this, so let's go!) cos even though i may not last 21km, at least i will lose weight during the training. she said she wants to take part in a half marathon next year, as one of her "to do" list. i'm just more concern of slowing her down. or worse, hallucinating half way while running. jeff once told me he saw figures dancing a hawaiian dance at around the 16km mark. boy i can't wait for that.

anyway we had a wonderful dinner of malay cuisine followed by gelare. it's been a long while since i had their waffles and the pleasant aroma was overwhelming. though the queue was long, the fun we had there more than made up for the wait. gao joined us (after a long hiatus) and it was back to the days when we just chilled out and talk cock, making fun of each other (gc) and all the stupid things we used to do, and still do. the latest being gao's leg hair. ooo, how they tickle and caress and ha(i)ress [nice pun by sel by the way] the girls.

with many more practices and performances coming up, the stories can only get more, in terms of quantity and silliness.

watch this space.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


sharing the parable of hope with everyone who would listen

I would like to share with everyone this story.

A master of a house who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the laborers for a penny a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And going out after three hours, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace, and to them he said, 'You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will pay you.' So they went.

Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same, recruiting more labourers to do the work that was at his vineyard.

And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing. And he said to them, 'Why do you stand here idle all day?' They said to him, 'Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, 'You go into the vineyard too.' He was simply amazed that anyone could stand all day idling when there was work to be done and money to be earned at his vineyard!

And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call all the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.'

And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a penny. Now when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more, but each of them also received a penny. And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, saying, 'These last workers worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat!'

But he replied to one of them, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Didn't you agree with me for a penny? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?'

So the last will be first, and the first, last.







What is my motive for sharing this story? Actually, a pastor from Chicago shared this story with us last sunday. And it had given me hope when i heard it. i had often prayed for a chance to speak of my God to my non-beliving friends and family but have never been good with words. So i sometimes get demoralised when i want to share with others but yet either 1) don't have the chance or b) don't have the guts. You could say i have almost given up on reaching out to my family. But then Pastor Bill shared this story and it really touched me.

The master of the house in the story is actually referring to God, and us as the labourers. He is willing to offer us salvation in the kingdom of heaven, no matter when we turned to Him. Be it at the third, sixth, ninth, or eleventh hour (which we often use to refer to as the last minute), all the labourers in the end were paid the same wages! So it dawned on me that even if my family accepted Christ at the last hours or last minutes of their lives, they would still receive the same wages as promised from God in the beginning of time. -- that we would be reunited in heaven! There was still hope for the non believers!!

Of course there are deeper meanings into this passage from the bible but I'm bad with words and do not want to end up teaching wrongly.

For the non believers, there is hope too. God has not forgotten you, no matter how much you hate Him. He often appears to you when you are furthest away, and when you despise him the most.

The master of the house asks "why do you stand here idle all day?", and the labourers replied "Cos no one has hired us". He was even amazed that there were people standing around doing nothing when there was in fact work to be done! It's the same for our spiritual life. Are we gonna stand here all day and not believe in anything? The master in the end told them to go work in his vineyard and but he made no mention of the amount of wages. Would you go work in the vineyard when asked to, especially when the wages are not announced? Those that went received the same wages in the end. Is that a sudden rush of hope to your head?

I hope this story has touched you the way it has touched me. If there is any questions, feel free to ask me and I shall convey those questions to my pastor who can give you a more precise answer.

the anger that often surfaces are always overcome by love that conquers all

just had a msn conversation with k.
not much, just asking about the day.
like any friend would do
it always feels so nice to talk to her
it's just so soothing
almost therapeutic

why didn't i cherish what i had before i threw it away and made it all too late?

fuck you, derrick

Monday, December 04, 2006


the cue to stop listening in class is wrestling eyelids

The effects of the weekend are still felt. Had only 5 hours of sleep after doing some administrative work for the choir. It's so tiring just to plan and coordinate all the practices as well as tie up the contracts with the companies we are performing for. Most importantly, I'm more scared of people not being able to make it at the 11th hour, either through illness or deliberately.

Ugh, pray pray.

Just came back from school, marketing was boring as usual. I wonder what she did to her voice, it has this very hypnotic effect that just makes you want to sleep. I spent most of her lesson sleeping, and so did my friend who usually doesn't sleep. Guess my lecturer reached a new high today in her research for insomia. Making good progress I can tell.

Ai, going to take a nap then study for the law test tomorrow. followed by choir practice tomorrow. and church practice the day after.. and then choir practice again.. whee!

Sunday, December 03, 2006


the day in the life of a round peg that tried so hard to put itself in a square hole only to realise it could never ever fit and was never meant to

another busy weekend, the first of many to come. caroling, church caroling, church performance, tests, quizzes, assignments.. wow.

it's like i'm finally busy for the first time in a long while but just as well i needed something to take things off my mind. it still needs a long while to settle in but i guess i can treat her as merely a friend. after 2 years, it's not easy. but if she's so determined, then i will make sure it happens.

but let me say this: friends do go out. i kinda get the feeling although she says she wanna treat me as a friend but she has created a barrier between me and her that keeps us from being friends. well, we'll see. at least i know there is no hope. and i don't want to upset her any further. so guess i'll move on.

the round peg in a square hole. i guess that sums up most of our relationship. it never really gotten off well with her family cos we had very different culture. looking back, i'm surprised we lasted that long.

well enough of her. went for xd's belly dancing yesterday. it was not bad. the bravery of the girls were admirable. most of them were just there to learn and not professionals. to do up a concert like this, in front of close to a hundred people need lots of guts.

especially my dear friend xd. wolf whistles echoed the hall every time she took to the stage. i guess all that bribery paid off. as well as the free buffet. baba was predicting the menu before we arrived at the event and not surprisingly, he got most of it right. food is afterall his forte. we took lots of pics, 286 in all, covered everything from bellies to nostrils. xd is suffering from picture overload now, sieving through all the pictures. but i think she'd be pleased.

once again, i feel so blessed to in the company of my friends. xd, baba and kev went shopping (xd shopped, we peeped at ballerinas) and then sat around kfc over 3 buddy meals shared by 4 and just chat about everything. love life was of course a topic but by the time the topic arrived, i was already nodding off. it's such a tiring day for me but i don't want to go home. cos i know, the moment i do, i'd have a lot of idle time and with that idle time, comes thoughts of k. sighz.

anyway, next week is our first performance and we have yet to practice together at full strength. i hope none of the good people from baker and mckenzie sees this and have second thoughts though. we should do well though, the little name of terzetto is spreading, from fort canning to millenia. after that, we will conquer bugis! and then, the heartlands! there is nothing that can stop us!! except of course, the amount of time we can afford to perform.

and perhaps too many buddy meals for too little people..

Saturday, December 02, 2006


it seems it's always the crazy times that you find you wake up to realise that it takes more than your saline eyes to make things right

she said there's nothing
nothing left to talk about
it's not as if we never tried
the pieces were just too broken

move on, she says
there's nothing left for me here
nothing left in her that's mine

all the tears i've shed
all the words i've said
all the things i've done
are just etched in time

all the things we've done
all the times we've shared
are nothing,
nothing more than sweet memories

yet i can't
moving on?
it's such a stumbling block to me
for the first time

to see you with someone else
to see him holding you
to see him do the things i've never done
enough for you
to see him wipe the tears
that resulted from the fears
that i have place upon you
unknowingly

to see you in his arms
to see you smiling
in his sweet embrace
to see him deep inside of you

i just wish i died
slam on the brakes
on the morning
of december 2nd
watch the headlights draw near
nearer
and nearer
then blank

the aftermath

it's always so nice to chat with friends. someone with a willing ear, an offered shoulder. just someone to hear you out. i'm so blessed to have so many close friends who stuck by me in the lows and the highs. these are friendships that stretches nearly a decade and it's a really nice feeling to know you have someone to fall back into when all around you dims.

had a chat with xd last night at siglap. was a really late chat. had been bothered by the thoughts of k during the day. and i just needed someone to chat with. she was nice enough to offer, even though she had to get up early today. we sat at starbucks, and chatted the remaining hours away. in a way, it was reassuring. we weren't looking for solutions -- we just needed an avenue to say the things we have kept pent up inside.

all the thoughts of k never cease to revolve around me. we hardly keep in contact now but that's probably because of her exams. she's a very hardworking girl. i wished i had that characteristic of hers but not to the extreme. true is, when she studies, she unknowingly lessened her attention on me. although i try not to think about it but somehow i just can't stop feeling as though she doesn't care about me, though i know this is not true. but it doesn't matter now does it? we are no longer together. though i keep trying, but she distants herself. her sentences so carefully structured, her words so carefully spoken. it's so distant. she will never know the pain i feel, nor would i know how i have pained her. this pain she's laid won't speak a sound.

xd asked me to move on. she's not the only one. but it's easier said than done. part of me still wants to be with k. but i don't know if k can ever trust me ever. time will tell i guess. or would it?

i sent xd back at about midnight but stayed on till the later hours, drenched with emotions, overwhelmed by thoughts of k. at 2, exhaustion takes over. i headed for home. but still could not sleep. it wasn't the teh tarek, nor the expresso that was keeping me up. it was her.

i just wish to talk to her. she said we'll be friends always and that she will never ignore me. but we haven't spoken for the best of 3 weeks. and the only time she messaged was to tell me she had to cancel our outing that was planned for tomorrow. i would be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed. but i guess she has other stuff on.

i found life through someone else but i threw it all away. all in all it's just another day gone..

the glorious mistake

73 days
and it still hurts.
a catalogue of mistakes.
months of soul searching
while entertaining suicidal thoughts.
repeating the events in my head
over and over again
till the tears run dry

yet nothing ever changes
not by itself
it took a while for me to realise
the view from your eyes
the pain in your heart
the betrayal you endured

somehow "i'm sorry" just doesn't cut it

rolling stones gather no moss
but this stone caused a landslide
emotions that tumble down
i left you no choice but to distrust me
and ever since, it's a battle within me

i was the fair weather friend
leaving you when you needed me most
i left you begging, crying
i took a gamble
that you would spend more time with me
once there was a rival
but it went the other way
a glorious mistake

73 days and counting
will this someday be over?
it's over to you.
or is it already over, to you?

waiting for the world to fall

I'm afraid it's been too long to try to find the reasons why I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky. Right now I still can't grow beyond the walls to where I've never been. There's no winter in my wonderland.

I'm just waiting for the world to fall. I'm waiting for the scene to change. I'm waiting when the colours come. I'm waiting to let my world come undone.

I close my eyes and try to see the world unbroken underneath. The farther off and already it just might make the life I lead a little more than make-believe when all my skies are painted blue. Yet the clouds don't ever change the shape of who I am to you.

So I'm waiting for the world to fall. I'm waiting for the scene to change. I'm waiting when the colors come. I'm waiting to let my world come undone.

words and music by jars of clay
altered words by derrick poh