Saturday, May 24, 2008


the aftermath

i hate noise

i should be studying

but i can't concentrate. the playground is too attractive. no, not to me, but to those damn pesky kids. every other day, a different group of kids will descend onto the playground and shout, scream, run around or make out like there is no tomorrow.

its function fulfilled but it's just so hard to concentrate with all the noise generated from below.

add on the renovations and the LIFT UPGRADING PROGRAMMES (oh god why does it have to be now?), my room is no longer a conducive place to mug.

it's times like these i wish for a paedophile to be on the loose.

Friday, May 23, 2008


BIRGing and CORFing

this is the tally for May 22, the day that red team from Manchester won the Champions League.


1 Tottenham Fan Wearing Jersey
1 Liverpool Fan Wearing Jersey
3 Arsenal Fans Wearing Jerseys
41 Man Utd Fans Wearing Jerseys


0 Chelsea Fans spotted all day.


this is the biggest example of BIRGing and CORFing i have ever witnessed. the moment i stepped into the exam room, it was as though i was attending a function for Man Utd fans instead of my corporate finance exam.

they were everywhere!

i expected my gf to don the red jersey as well, she being the biggest ronaldo fan besides himself, but to my surprise she didn't!

so i asked, "how odd, of all the days i expected you to wear that jersey of yours and you didn't!"

and guess what was her reply?




"oh. the only reason i didn't wear it was because i sent it for printing to put ronaldo's name and number on it"


could have been 42.



*BIRGing -- a psychology term: Basking In Reflected Glory
*CORFing -- also a psychology term: Cutting Off Reflected Failure (like me and my corporate finance exam)

hanged

CF sucked but in an unexpected way.

i knew there was always going to be some degree of difficulty in it because it's my most hopeless subject but the paper was a tragic surprise.

i recognised NOTHING at all.

not an ounce of familiarity in the questions. not at all. it was as though they had given me the wrong paper which i did check because the financial management paper was being held at the same location.

but noooo, it was written "corporate finance" in front, yet everything seemed alien.

i'm doomed. and so were the others around me. a finance paper, you would expect the calculators to be punched non stop, crunching numbers. but yesterday, no. not a sound at all. the utter silence confirmed our attendance on that same sinking ship.

i only did like two halves of two questions out of the 4 i was supposed to do.

only the grace of God can get me 34 and by last count, assuming i managed to get everything i did correctly, ie full marks, then i'll get 38.

HA. no wonder i didn't sleep well last night. couldn't sleep till 630am. in a state of shock.

God has no plans for me to be a financial manager. nor an accountant, that's for sure.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


installing corporate finance.. 68% complete.. and then..

tommorrow's my next paper, corporate finance, and i'm already hungry. it took so much of my strength trying to understand it that i had to use the exercise price. and we are all really panic, a blur since day one, hope is out of sight. it only makes me feel like going europe.

so tomorrow, my only goal is to write my name on my paper and sit an hour watching the others squirm as they try to do the paper. few will make it, some will try but many will suffer. i doubt i can find any one who will be super super confident for the tomorrow's paper and walk in the room with the laugh of Adolf Hitler.

but i got a secret weapon. oh yeah, i bought this new programme called Corporate Finance for Headless Chickens and tried installing it for my exam so i just needed to go there and copy and paste. but while installing, the damn thing hang. and it only got up to 68%. and ctrl-alt-del does nothing to help. oh well, i think 68% of knowledge should be enough. like i said my only goal was to write my name. and maybe score 34. anything exceeding is put down as a bonus.

so man united plays chelsea tonight but i can't watch it because the payback method ignores the time value of money. and tomorrow is just a few hours from manifesting in the worse living nightmare but it's ok cos i've got God with me. if only i had the answer script as well, now that would really help.

andrea bocelli sings to me while i sleep and think of the different ways to say goodbye but miller-modiglani is damn irritating. how i wish for tomorrow so i can wave goodbye to them and corporate finance.

and if you are wondering why this post makes no sense at all, well, so does corporate finance.

Friday, May 16, 2008


simply love this ad

heh, introducing my favourite foreign team.....
ARRRSEEENAAAL!!!

Thursday, May 15, 2008


off we go!

thanks be to god.

it's the first time i ever prayed for His presence to be with me during an exam and boy was He good to me.

today's subject required me to write 4 essays within 3 hours. it's a crazy format one that barely allowed you any time to think, much less waste. it's not particular to this subject only as many of the previous subjects that i have taken in the past had also the same format.

and i never did once managed to write 4 proper essays of an acceptable length in 3 hours. the best i managed was probably 3 to 3.5 essays each about 1.5 pages long.

but today i'm so glad God was with me and i (incredibly) managed to complete all 4 essays, the shortest of which is 2.5 pages! for the first time ever, i used 2 full booklets to write all my essays. haha. but of course, length does not constitute substance but i'm happy that this time i did manage to write all 4 essays that i feel have the potential to include 75% of the points that the examiner is looking for.

so hopefully God will reward my effort with the marks i deserve.

so now on to corporate finance, another killer subject that i'm on the verge of conquering. time to delete all my 36 concepts and 21 names and install the chapters of CF.

God, never leave me. Thank You!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


an ode to tomorrow

tommorrow awaits
the brain cells are loaded
36 concepts and 21 names
all waiting to be forgotten

ink all prepared
notes under my pillow
the first of four papers
will start off tomorrow

will my mind be blank?
or will my paper be blank?
speculation abounds
of questions, tomorrow

oh oh oh i just can't wait till it's over

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


mothers' days

mother's day celebrations was quite fun this year mainly because we had two celebrations, for both of our mums.

it was quite a nice feeling because the food didn't matter, what mattered was we both felt accepted into each other's family, bonding over dinner, talking about the service, and the man united pictures that hang around the restaurant.

how odd we must have look in our respective jerseys. she man u. i the mighty mighty delightful fluid passing arsenal. i'm quite sure our dressing alone got a lot of stares and some snide remarks from the waiter.

when i took my seat, staring right in front of me was a picture of eric cantona, collar up, with his smirk look. i jokingly remarked to jo if they could remove that offending picture and the waiter made that special effort to walk back to my table and pointed to me the other framed jerseys of that team in red.

ask him for a glass of water and he's no where to be seen though.

anyhow both dinners were ok, time well spent with the family. jo just got her new computer on saturday, just before having dinner with her family. i never knew it was so damn difficult to set up a comp. we struggled with the micrososft installation and it felt like AIDS, slowly eating our body away as we waited for it to complete. but alas it failed every time we tried. (jo only realised today it was because of the hardware problem, some lousy installation of the hard disk, which caused the installation to feel like AIDS) but thank god it's solved anyway.

for now, it's time to gear up to the exams on thurs. don't really feel confident as i'm still a chapter away from my revision and it's quite hard committing so many things to memory. it's odd though -- i could remember every wigan players' names yesterday and their jersey number but i cannot recall my facts for thurs exams. and i'm not even a fan of them!! well only for yesterday, since jo was busy jumping up and down for her team, i needed to keep myself entertained in other ways. sadly, i didn't even get to watch much of the mighty might delightful fluid passing arsenal. sigh.

but it's ok, happy for jo as her team won. would rather she smile then she cry. anyway didn't really like chelsea to win either.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


8 more days or so

final exams ever. in 8 more days. some of my friends' start tomorrow so yeah good luck to them.


really hate reading subjects though..


in the first hour it's like this:



















then 8 concepts and 9 theorists later.. my view becomes like this:


















please keep me in your prayers from my exams, that i understand everything crystal clear when i read it. and also, that i can stay awake till the end of the article i'm reading.

Saturday, May 03, 2008


Joreen's final resting place

Our friend, Joreen, is rested at

Mandai Crematorium,
Block D,
Row 6,
Niche Number 530.

Friday, May 02, 2008


other eulogies

"My condolences to miss tay. She would be an angel in heaven."
-- Jean, former student of Joreen



"miss tay, you may have taught me for just a year - but that voice of a nightingale and the ever demure demeanour is such of mesmerizing pulchritude i will never forget. rest in peace."
-- Sae



"my condolences...i really don't know what more to say...i can't really say much about her since she only taught my class for around 1 year...but i can say for sure she will be in my memories forever...."
-- former student of Joreen



"even before she left GYSS, we surprised her with a surprised farewell party and she did cards for EVERYONE of us, with different messages written on each card! she is really a wonderful teacher, i have to say!"
-- Janet, former student of Joreen



"So sorry for being a little late. She was also my Sec 1 Music teacher in GYSS. I send condolences to Miss Tay as well."
-- Kambodia, former student of Joreen



"i'll remember Ms Tay..."
-- Wanling



"i send my condolences"
-- Platinum



"Hi... I just happen to search for "joreen tay" and i found an entry about her. may god bless joreen's bf and family. i know she is doing very well in god's home now cheer up!"
-- Melanie



"i am Joreen's childhood friend, she's an angel."
-- Dawn, Joreen's childhood friend



"hey i'm one of miss tay's students too i send my condolences too.. i will always remember her.. she's an angel"
-- Kimberly, former student of Joreen



"I was very heartbroken about her leaving, but I receives this message rather late that I have no chance to send her off. she taught us maths and music for a year, I remember my class was 2N1 that year, now I've graduated from GYSS. She was my Choir-teacher-in-charge and my teacher in the heart always. we designed a choir t-shirt with a beautiful descript of her once. She like tigger, everytime very easy to find her desk, just look for the tigger. Hope her family and boyfriend will get over it, coz I do have this experience before -- my mum had also passed away when I was 15, when Ms Tay was still around in sch n knows about it that time..."
-- Randall, former student of Joreen



"Ms Tay was a very nice music teacher. may she rest in peace."
-- former student of Joreen



"my condolences, please inform me of her resting place cos we would like to visit her soon."
-- Evelyn



"my deepest condolences to
my little angel teacher` miss joreen tay xin yu . died on 28th Apr .
she was only 25 years old `
Even though i am not that close to her .
i remember her as a pretty teacher with big eyes, fair skin
liked snow white & beautiful long hair .
she was my choir in-charge teacher .
she played piano for us during choir &
she encouraged me& others .
i still had that tee-shirt that our choir member
designed printed 'mr derrick lim, ms chin& ms joreen tay'
i saw her friendster, there was a photo that was from my choir .

i got to know this by my nuer &i was quite shocked to hear that .
i heard from nuer she said she was leaving our sch
because she furthering her studies in aust. &
i find that part was not true .
-no wonder she dun online in my list anymore .

saw her story through her friend's blog & its was rather touching
as she always been strong even though she had this
illness all along .

if i have the chance,
i will pray her my respects with pretty white flowers along .
*RIP*"
-- Peirong, former student of Joreen

Thursday, May 01, 2008


thank you for your lessons, joreen

today brings a close for all of us who know Joreen Tay.

Joreen was cremated at the Mandai Crematorium earlier today at 10am after a short service was held in remembrance of her. i tried to hold back the tears because i, as a christian, know that death is part of life, a necessary step in order to gain eternal life that our God as given us when we believed him.

but it was really hard. when the coffin was loaded onto the hearse, when her boyfriend of ten years broke down in tears, when the coffin was pushed into the furnace, when her mum gave out a long drawn wail, tears welled up in my eyes. even though God told us not to mourn like the rest of the world for we have hope, it was still very difficult for me to hold back the tears. i couldn't bear to watch the moment where her coffin was pushed in by the automated machine. it's a moment i wish i never have to go through again but one which is impossible to avoid.

God made the first man, Adam, with the dust of the earth, and when we leave the earth, we return to the dust where we first came from. today, Joreen's physical form is no longer a form we recognise, but i believe her life, her spirit, her story still touched many of the people, no matter how brief the contact was.

for me, her story has really taught me a lot of things about positivity in life, which i really admire of her.


her love for others

i was quite stunned when i checked my blog today. so many students from GuangYang Secondary School dropped messages on my tagboard to give their condolences to a teacher who has taught them (correct me if i'm wrong) for only a year.

i was reading through the content of some of their posts and most of them described her as an angel, which i have no doubt about.

Joreen has always been so giving, so generous with her help and love and it's no surprised that she has made a huge impact on the students whom she has taught even if it was only for a school year.

her love for others was also well shown in her exchanges with her friends, also wanting to inconvenience them in the least way possible, always making others feel so comfortable around her. she really humbled herself the way a christian should, in order to make others around her feel loved and this is a quality that is much easier to read about than to produce. Joreen, i can only hope to be a portion of as loving as you are, to your family, friends, students and every other person who has the honour to have met you.

the love she received

i was on the bus on the way home when i started thinking about the lessons i've learnt from joreen's story and nothing struck me more than the topic of unconditional love. God demostrated this by loving us despite our flaws and sinful nature and even though this is a young Christian family of nearly 4 months of getting to know God, God used them in such a wonderful way to present to us an example of this unconditional love.

Joreen's family have been caring continuing for her, making huge adjustments to their lifestyle just to cater to Joreen's needs. her mum especially have to make daily trips from their home in Tampines to SGH to visit Joreen everytime she was in hospital and this must have been really tiring for her. on top of that, she often made special meals for joreen as the hospital food can get a little dreadful sometimes and i know joreen was especially thankful for these treats as she polishes off each bowl of porridge and asks for more. despite the daily hassle, never once i saw her mum gave up or lose hope as she strives in everyway just to make sure her daughter feels a little bit more comfortable in her bid to recover from her illness.

it must have been difficult for her dad and younger brothers as well as i believe they had to change some part of their schedules just to care for joreen. they are a very close knit family and when i spoke to her dad on the first night, it was heart wrenching. he could barely speak and i could feel his loss and it really just pains me to see him like that.

by Joreen's side was also her partner of 10 years, zhen siong. if the earlier examples were stunning, this one was even more so, because while the earlier examples were acts of unconditional love from within the family, here was someone from outside who really loved joreen so much that he stood by her throughout the entire episode. sometimes when i go to the hospital, i would see him sleeping by the uncomfortable sofa sets in the lounge area after spending the night at the hospital just to be with joreen. moreover, he has his work to cope with and i can't imagine where he could draw his strength from other than the Lord. he could have walked out at any time when he heard the news but his example truly demostrates to us what it really means to love someone wholeheartedly.

for those of us who are in relationships, we know how easy it is to say "i love you" but to mean it, is much harder. Zhen Siong has set the bar, and i really admire him for being a wonderful partner for Joreen for nearly a decade. my thoughts and prayers are with you. be strong.

also, the love and support Joreen received from her other relatives as well as her friends and church mates have been of utmost importance to her i believe. i remember ministering to her in a song while she was in hospital not too long ago and one could really feel God's presence in the room, through the words of the hymn, through the sharings that so many others have shared, through the prayers that have been made with and for her. i believe Joreen was blessed by all of these. God put people in our life to have guide our path along life's narrow ways and in spite of this tragedy, God has orchestrated a miracle with the people he put around Joreen, for she was saved, along with her entire family and boyfriend. Praise the Lord.

her positivity

ask anyone who have met Joreen and the thing that probably had the most impact on them was her positivity, next to her angelic looks.

even though the pain she went through was indescribable, she always faced each new day with the same positivity that she has had all her life. to combat her illness, she tried every possible method, even emailing a doctor in China to have a look at her condition. no matter how faint the hope was (in the treatment), she was determined to give it a try. it was an attitude she carried all the way even till the end.

in this age of being emo and moody, joreen was really the face of "positivity". if there was ever a contest to judge who had the most positive outlook on life, joreen would probably win hands down. her bubbly personality made her even more endearing to those around her as she always manages to liven them up when they are down.

like i mentioned in her eulogy, no amount of needles and pain will stop her from producing a smile when someone happens to visit her. it still pains in my heart as i write this now, remembering how Joreen was hooked up to so many tubes and drips. she always tells me she's fine, and not to worry about her and that everything was in God's hands. that was Joreen for you, never letting a single thing get her down. though i know at certain point in her treatment, when certain results were not favourable, she did feel sad and disappointed. but not for long.

and it's easy to put this down to her being positive by nature but i believe that what God wanted to show and to learn from was that even the most positive of people do get down. but the most important part is how they bounce back up and face adversity with a new hope. and it's definitely easier with the Lord because like Joreen said, she knows everything is in control of the Lord and He knows what is best for her.

i decided that whenever i face difficulties, i will think back to what Joreen has gone through and how she reacted to bounce back in spite of how bleak the situation may seem. Joreen remembered her strength is in God. and i must constantly remember this fact as well.



there are so many other positives that i could draw from joreen's experience and though i'm really sad that she has left us in this world, at least i know she's no longer suffering, and with a new body received from Christ, is enjoying herself in heaven.

and even though i have been praying the same prayer everyday without fail for nearly 2 years, that God, "please heal her completely from the cancer and give her a life full of years, that she might be a great testimony of your love and grace to us and that she might go on to share her story and bring many others to know the God that she loves", in a way God has answered my prayers entirely.

Joreen is no longer in pain and is completely healed now in heaven. and her story will not be lost to the people whom have known her. i will always keep her story close to my heart and will share this example of God's love to as many others as possible, that they might see for themselves how God as orchestrated this entire symphony.

Joreen, till we meet again, you will be dearly missed by all.

Sing of Your Mercy

You have led me
through the sadness
i have carried this pain
on a back bruised
nearly broken
i'm crying out to You

i will sing of your mercies
that lead me through valleys of sorrows
to rivers of joy

when death
like a gypsy
comes to steal what i love
i will still look to the heavens
i will still seek Your face
but i fear that You aren't listening
because there are no words
just this feeling
and a hunger
of a faith that assures

i will sing of Your mercies
that lead me through valleys of sorrows
to rivers of joy

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

while we wait
for rescue
with our eyes
tightly shut
face to the ground
using our hands
to cover the fatal cut
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us
around
around around

You have calmed
greater waters
higher mountains have come down!

i will sing of your mercies
that lead me through valleys of sorrows
to rivers of joy